Becoming who you are

Michael was at a mini-conference recently. The event’s keynote presenter, playwright and speaking coach Charlie Krebs, said early into his address a thought key enough that Michael made a note of it. “We become what we believe we already are.” It was a note key enough that he only partly payed attention to what followed.

After the meetings we talked about this and how it can affect our lives beyond some of the examples the speaker presented, which leaned more toward empowering yourself to establish how you will respond to a situation.

Our first thoughts went to some of the leadership papers of the 1970s-1980s, when phrases like “if you can think it, you can be it” were spoken from stages by business leaders and motivational speakers. We also thought of how often one might hear spiritual or inspirational speakers suggest that your destiny has been predetermined and we slowly grow into the person we were designed to be. Ultimately, we realized this is not a rehash of self-fulfillment, nor is it simply a matter of acceptance and optimism. No, this is a much more personal reflection of being.

Read the words carefully. It’s not we become who we believe we already are. “We become what we believe we already are.” In our minds, that one word is both critical to understanding, and makes this exercise universally available.

As much as we like to think so, we rarely are in control of the who we will be. We may like to be a partner, a parent, a manager, a leader. But none of those can happen alone. The “who” in us is almost always dependent on someone else sharing the same “who” vision. Even the few solo “who” personae are indirectly dependent on others. We have written how motivational speaker Jim Rohn proposes we are an amalgam of the five people we spend the most time with.

But the “whats’ within us are countless and all our own. We choose to be loving, caring, inspirational, or passionate. We may also choose to be narcissistic, inconsiderate, discouraging, or obsessive. Many argue that life experiences and influences make us the kinds of people that we are. And as much weight of our family, friends, and colleagues have on our development, our self-love and respect, and our subconscious self-encouragement contribute much more to our sense of self.

It is not as simple as telling yourself “I am a great manager” over and over that gets you the promotion. It is not in the words you say nor even the conversation you hold with yourself. It is when you accept your daily assignment with energy and report your activities with enthusiasm that you are confirming with yourself that you can do this job and accept even greater responsibilities. (And subconsciously communicating it to your supervisor also.) One can say likewise for more creative goals. As you respond to yourself with enthusiasm over what you put on paper or canvas or an athletic field, you confirm to yourself that you can more and do better.

These subconscious notes to ourselves play an enormous role in the role we ultimately play in our conscious world. The “whats” we become are not pre-destined, not learned or nurtured, and not adapted from life’s experiences. Our “whats” are us telling ourselves how we want to respond to life’s challenges and ultimately, how we approach all of life.

We are told if we want to be positive, enthusiastic, passionate, energetic people we should surround ourselves with positive, enthusiastic, passionate, energetic people. Remember, the person you spend the most time with is you. Ou can surround yourself with your own positivity, enthusiasm, passion, and energy. You have the choice to be what you want to be. And eventually, that is what you will be.