A child becomes an adult when he realizes he is no longer the center of attention. That’s our own bit of wisdom. We do not claim to be child rearing experts even though we both are the parents of now adult children. Maybe we are expert if we were talking about children acting like children. We are not so sure when we find ourselves confronted by adults acting like children. And there we stand behind our words:
A child becomes an adult when he realizes he is no longer the center of attention.
One who is an expert, Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget, extensively studied child development. His 1936 theory broke new ground when he found that the brains of children work differently than those of adults. Piaget's theory of cognitive development suggests that most people are free of egocentrism by age seven. Egocentrism is when one views other people's experiences from one’s own perspective.
Here is where we find adults, and we will include ourselves, who seem at times to have not completely grown into adulthood. Adults who view the world as if they are the center of it. Not necessarily the whole world, but the piece of it they are currently inhabiting.
For example, if you have a boss who insists he is always right, or a friend who refuses to see anyone else's point of view, they are being egocentric. If they persist in their beliefs to the point of inconveniencing those who live and work with them, they are being childish.
We have put ourselves in situations where we’ve been questions about a job being the right fit, but we tried for that promotion anyway because ‘surely, who can’t see I’m the perfect choice.’ Or ignored suggestions that a remodeling project would be better left to a professional, because ‘I know what I’m doing, I always do my own work.’ Or drove 400 miles with 5 other people to see a particular place and didn’t get there because ‘I’ve seen this place and I don’t like it.’
These are real situations where we found ourselves wasting time, costing money, and straining relationships, because one person in the group would not compromise or make concessions to logic seemingly obvious to everyone else. Those who are not that one person but one of the inconvenienced ones, too often enable the behavior and at some point, risk acting out in their own childish behavior. All because none of the adults could be the adult in the room
How does one make certain they are being the adult in the room?
When you see childish behavior in others, treating adults like children is never a good thing. Adults deserve to be treated maturely. Stay calm and explain the situation, the desired outcome, and the consequences of all the possible solutions. Be patient and kind. An egocentric adult sees everything from their own perspective so describe all the options in terms of their role in each solution choice.
If you find yourself slipping into a childish version of you, step outside yourself. Consider if there are other solutions. Your first thought might be your best thought for you, but it is most likely not the only solution. Brainstorm with yourself and find all the different ways you can be part of a solution.
Consider how your actions, answer, or behavior not only will affect others, but how it will affect you? If you say to yourself, “I’m right and they know it,” you aren’t right, and everybody knows that. But if you can say, “This is good, we can all enjoy and benefit from this,” you are on the right track.
Before Piaget’s theory, many believed that children were not yet capable of thinking as well as grown-ups. Too often we find ourselves as adults not thinking as well as children. Something children excel at that adults have lost their ability in, is seeing how everyone fits in.
Watch children who first meet in a playground. They all find a way to be a part of their world. They help each other onto swings and up steps to the top of a sliding board. They involve everybody when tossing a ball around. They cheer when someone succeeds at something for the first time, and they find an adult to help when someone falls and suffers a scrape or skin tear.
Those children playing together are the adults in training. Maybe we need to go back for a refresher course on how involve everyone and find the adult in us who can help when we fall.
Wise words, my friends. We live in a world where it seems that it's our right to be the center of attention. Even children know when it's not appropriate to be on center stage. Childish behavior is expected from children--Piaget understood that judgement is something we grow into, that rational understanding isn't something that you can expect from a child. But adults should choose to act with responsibility, not because everyone is clapping them on the back but because acting as an adult is the right thing to do. I love your example of how children are gracious in embracing others even if they're different. How do we not as adults choose to act like adults? I appreciate what you…