On Monday, August 5 we posted a Moment of Motivation, Mind Your Mindset, suggesting that words and tone are two driving forces in conveying your attention. Even when you are talking to yourself. James Clear, author of the bestselling Atomic Habits, tells us, “Move toward the next thing, not away from the last thing. Same direction, different energy,” and so aptly describes the direction those forces can drive.
We often moved from the last thing. A job that was an okay job until a new one came along. Then our first thoughts too often were, “they really didn’t appreciate me there,” or “I knew I was never going to move up,” instead of being excited about a new position, with new challenges, and new co-workers. Instead of moving onto the next thing. Your mindset matters
We don’t recall where we saw it or who saw it first, but we remember the phrase. ‘I know I am not guaranteed a tomorrow, but I’m going to set my alarm anyway.” Funny cute line to post on a plaque on a wall? Is it just that, a funny line, or can it be a statement of hope that we will see tomorrow, one of confidence that we can be ready no matter what happens between now and tomorrow, or a statement of faith in a God who still has work for us to do that needs us here for at least one more tomorrow? Your mindset matters
Our words are like music. The instrument, the key, the tone, and the tempo all affect how the music is heard by the listener. We use these same attributes when we speak. Volume, pitch, tone, pace. All of them make a difference in how we communicate and how we are heard. Even to ourselves.
Considering the power of these verbal cues of communication, the actual choice of words still is our most important tool. There is a power in the words you choose. Not power like some people say words of kindness make people feel good and words of disapproval make people feel bad. We mean words have the power to instill a positivity and high energy in us in how we decide to describe something. Again, moving toward or moving away – but in more practical, everyday situations.
We subconsciously program ourselves to think negative first. Do you remember the first meal you cooked? Maybe it was breakfast for Mother’s Day … and it came out terrible! You brought it into her room or to the table and said, “Mom, I know it doesn’t look good, but I wanted to make you breakfast. She probably said, “How sweet of you.” Your felt good but still, Mom didn’t say I know it will taste good. And whenever something didn’t turn out exactly right you prefaced the reveal with, “It doesn’t look good but…” or “I know you’ve seen better, but…” and you left all the good stuff to come after the but. Not necessarily emphasizing the negative yet still minimizing the positive.
Michael remembers once at a leadership seminar participants were instructed to spend the next 24 hours without using the word “but.” It was amazing how many times, the desire to add “but” to a sentence presented itself. The following day, the session leader explained that supervisors love to use the word but to create a cushion for bad news. An example might be “You do really good work but it’s always late.” He explained it as Everything before the but is bull****. The real message comes after the “but” and too often is bad news. We soften people up with faint praise and then deliver the big blow. He explained we do this because that is how we learned to accept bad news and thus it became our tool to “soften the blow” when we deliver bad news and hope the bad news won’t be so noticeable. The real key to delivering bad news is instead to deliver good news.
Consider a vacation that turned into a less than as anticipated great escape. Which statement more accurately describes it?
In the pictures it’s a beautiful whiter than white beach but it rained four out of the five days we were there and the one day we saw it, the beach was so packed we couldn’t tell what color it was.
We never would have found such a great museum if we spent the whole time at the beach. Oh, it would have been nice to have more than one beach day, but we ended up with 3 nights out dancing and we haven’t done that in years!
That’s a trick question! There both describe it. Which describes how you would rather think of it? Now that depends. Do you want to move toward the positive or remember the negative. You’re driving. You choose.
Your mindset matters.
Well said, you two. I especially love the description that words are like music, with the different "instruments" of our tone, choice of words, demeanor, pace, attitude creating a symphony for the ears that hear it. And the word "but" is definitely a red flag for the bad that will follow, which does diminish anything good said before. Being focused on the negative keeps us from being disappointed when things don't turn out as we hope. Then if it's better than we anticipate, it's a pleasant surprise. A mental attitude that makes all the difference. We have control over so little in life--but we do have control over our attitudes. This is awesome, y'all!