Out of Town Experts

We are not unfamiliar with public speaking. We’ve spoken at clubs and in classrooms, in front of small groups and large, in professional and civic gatherings, and have spoken on our lives’ work and about our lives. In all instances, the phrase we most often shudder upon hearing is, “I have a question.”

There is something about facing the unknown that strikes fear in everybody. Just because you spent the last 40 minutes taking about your research on the longest lasting kitchen wall paint (we never had) doesn’t mean you won’t get a question on the best material for a bathroom sink washer that drips intermittently (fortunately we never had either). But take that as a good idea of how we feel after the obligatory “are there any questions” and someone takes us up on it. You never know what someone will ask. Behind that lectern. You are “the out-of-town expert with slides” and they want to pick your brain.

Life is very much like that. At parenting, working, schooling, socializing, somewhere you are more expert than most others in the room. It doesn’t mean you’re the smartest person in the room. Often you aren’t (and never should you think you are). But you have taken the courageous step to lead a discussion, manage a work group, or raise a family. Someone is looking to you for advice, for guidance, for help. You always won’t, we often don’t, have the answer.

Not knowing something is not the end of the world. Even for the out-of-town expert with slides. Many in the position might say not knowing something is frustrating, nearly unthinkable. In truth, not knowing something is humbling and can be the best thing that happens to you.

Humility is a worthy yet often misunderstood quality. Detractors claim a humble person, particularly in problem solving situations, demeans himself, lowering one’s own importance to the point of losing respect for oneself. The diffident, humble person appreciates and benefits from humility by understanding the importance of exploring differing perceptions, recognizing differences in opinions ,and practice, and respecting others. This is the person who will strive to find the right answer even if it means admitting he does not know that right answer right then.

Humility also is a means to improvement. We have said often, the first step to improvement is recognizing the need to learn and know more. By recognizing your limitations, you can explore opportunities for improvement through learning and growth. By acknowledging there are options, you show yourself as one who works well with others, is appreciative of input, and fosters strong relationships and bonds.

Humility allows us to appreciate those experiences that put us in the position of one whom others can be comfortable asking questions and seeking advice or that right answer. Nobody is born the out-of-town expert - nor teacher, nor manager, nor parent. Everybody grows into their positions, and the humble learner is the one who grows the most confident.

Admitting we are not the smartest person in the room leads us to find the answers we don’t know, often raising new questions leading to new answers and to greater understanding. Whether it’s of moisture resistant paint, synthetic bathroom sink washers, or family dynamics, new information should always be welcome. It closes knowledge gaps, and it makes us appreciate those who had the courage to ask the questions that lead us to stretching our mental muscles. It is our humility that makes us confident enough to face our next challenge at work, school, home, or behind a lectern.